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Sex Traffickers on Instagram and Social Media?

Crimes-and-Criminals, Human Trafficking, Relationships

How are male and female sex traffickers promoting themselves on Instagram? How is human trafficking used on social media? According to dailymail.co.uk, one male gang member (who was 25) used images of cash, fine dining cuisines and luxury shopping to show his rich lifestyle.

In his Instagram posts, he used words and phrases such as “I treat u like royalty” or “babygirl” and “I’m way to too young to be living like this . . . “

Instagram-skeptical-world

What is the goal of his Instagram profile page? To attract teens and young female adults by getting their attention. Minors, especially girls, at this young age may lack confidence and self-esteem, making them the perfect target for a predator who is an expert at manipulation. Not only Instagram but Facebook is also quite popular among traffickers for recruiting girls into sex slavery.

The criminal will send a friendly Facebook message to the girl in hopes that she will agree to meet him. In this message, he tells her that she is pretty and if she’s interested in making money. At this point, he takes a chance on whether or not she will ignore his message or reply back and agree to meet somewhere. In some of the Facebook messages sent by male traffickers, you’ll notice their grammar and spelling is exceptionally poor. Whether this is done deliberately, I don’t know. Either that, or they are really bad at English. Either way, this is a red flag!

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Why? Because if you, or someone you know, receives a random Facebook message or Instagram DM (direct message) from a strange person who uses poor grammar or compliments you on your physical body, then you should be alarmed. They’re either a creepy stranger, stalker, or dangerous trafficker.

Facebook-skeptical-worldWhat should you do if this happens? Flag their profile on Facebook (or block them on instagram). Then report it to the National Human Trafficking Resource Center Hotline 1-888-373-7888. You can also report it by filling out an online form at the following website: https://humantraffickinghotline.org/report-trafficking 

Do you have a personal story, or do you know someone that wants to share their experience? Contact us so we can spread awareness about human trafficking abuse and abduction in the United States! Our email is SkepticalWorld@gmail.com

 

Leapfrogging Around Dating Websites with Toads!

Dating

I have a divorced friend named Charlotte whose advice to me on the second anniversary of my divorce, was that I have to kiss a hundred frogs to find a prince. But personally, there are no frogs or princes except in fairytales, and I am leapfrogging around these online dating websites with toads!

Tonight, “DocBil from Battle Creek: Professional seeking non-professional” was checking out my online dating profile; so I in turned checked out his profile. I was totally offended by the arrogant statements in his profile that he did not want to date any professional women, which I found totally ludicrous coming from a man claiming to be a Ph.D. I resented his automatic exclusion of all college graduates as being unsuitable candidates for dating when he would be expected to date college educated women, such as myself.

DocBil’s profile stated he was interested only in “non-professional women who would be equally comfortable discussing quantum physics or worldwide wrestling.” Now try to imagine the kind of women who could do both – or worse, would even want to?!

The man was clearly a misogynist. His arrogance pushed my buttons and I sent him a polite but firm e-mail pointing out the disparaging remarks he had made were as hurtful to uneducated women as well as educated and asked him to reconsider his views.

Obviously a narcissist, this 61 year old Ph.D. vice-president of a Battle Creek, Michigan company fired back the following flaming response minutes later and then put up a mail block against me. Here is his picture and response:

DocBil

Mmmmm

Thank you for attempting to communicate with me.

You asked for this; the reason this country is so screwed up is because of creepy women like you that think you are the answer to everything. I have the right to have what I want, it is none of your business what I like or do not like. If YOU had any manners or brains, you would have not responded to exactly what I was saying, professional women are not what I want as a life partner.

YOU are a wannabe guy. I didn’t notice you in Vietnam, or all the years I was a police officer…..and in executive management I have lead small, and medium sized corporations, and have yet to see a woman who could handle anything important.

Quit living in never never land, and tell the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy you want a date, because that is as close a joke like you would come to a real man.

You are offensive, obviously demented and in severe need of therapy. OR, possibly a good step up in a job….try, “Do you want fries with this.” Oh, maybe Dr. Peter of the “Peter Principle” was speaking of you.

Don’t bother, it is blocked.

Obama Versus McCain – A Ticking Time Bomb

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The eyes of the world are on the U.S. election. Will the largest superpower change its political direction? Or will the winds continue blowing from both directions at the same time in order to confound the American electorate?

Consider the two candidates: Senator Obama leans towards a socialist democracy at the very least, and Senator McCain leans in the liberal direction of the war mongers of the former president Lyndon Baines Johnson era. But now the political parties have flipped – the way magnetic poles have shifted from North to South throughout history. This same flipping happened during the early years of the United States, and now seems to be occurring again.

Or maybe the political parties have slipped off track. In previous years, the American public would vote for the Democratic presidential candidate when they wanted more social welfare programs which resulted in more jobs at the expense of higher taxes. In other years, the American public would vote for the Republican candidate whenever they wanted to put the brakes on government spending, and wanted to downsize everything including government control and taxes.

Many issues surrounding Senator Obama have not been adequately addressed. Regarding the birth certificate for Obama, he was born of a Kansas mother when she was about 18 in another country. Under the constitution, anyone born of an American is automatically an American, but the young age of his mother begs the question about whether his birthright meets the constitutional requirement. It is a puzzle as to why the Republicans have not pressed this issue further with Obama, since the constitution requires the president to be an American citizen.

I also find it incredulous the Republicans are not constantly beating Obama over the head with his racist and negative remarks from his two autobiographies which he wrote years ago. His statements should be on billboards and brought to the public’s awareness.

Obama is a spin master. In the state prison system where I work, he would fit right in with the CSC inmates (criminal sexual conduct) who are the best at weaving webs of lies around their prospective victims. Plus, his having selected Senator Joe Biden as a vice-presidential running mate is like selecting Senator Ted Kennedy on speed – everyone will be wearing a headset or earphones so as not to have to listen to Biden’s endless rhetoric.

Obama is not only a misogynist, but a racist as well, based on the disparaging remarks he has made about his mother’s race. Plus, I did not appreciate his woman-hating remark directed at the vice presidential candidate Sara Palin when he referred to her as a pit bull with lipstick. I suspect he is verbally abusive towards his wife and probably hates a whole lot of other minority and cultural groups as well.

Although I respect McCain for having suffered so horribly as a POW (prisoner of war), I have not heard any indication from him that he would cease the war, and in fact, it would appear his goal would be to get us involved in Iran or Pakistan next. This war mongering mentality of the 1970’s disturbs me a lot.

This country was founded on freedom for all and not about going to war overseas with countries which disagree with American politics or freedoms. In this election, more people are thrust in a position of voting not for what someone stands for, but rather casting a vote so as not to have the worst candidate elected.

McCain’s cross-eyed wife is very strange to watch. Her focus is not pointed in the direction of her stare, giving her an eerie appearance. She is reportedly worth at least $200 million, but required her husband to sign a pre-nuptial agreement in the event they split up. It is really difficult to convince Americans that a husband and wife worth so much money, could feel any sense of remorse over lost jobs or a national economy that has runaway to China.

The McCain campaign made a critical error in judgment on October 6 when they announced they were canceling all trips to Michigan. They were essentially surrendering these electoral votes to the Democrats. This will turn out to be a fatal flaw in McCain’s campaign, as Michigan has a Democratic governor despised by both the Democrats and Republicans.

Personally, I am deeply disappointed in this year’s candidates. I have issues with both of them. While I worry that McCain will lead us into more war, I worry that Obama will not lift a finger to stop any war in the Middle East. I worry about statements from the past that Muslems will take control of the US using our own election tools by getting their candidates elected. Is Obama one of their tools?

We take so much for granted in the United States. We can go to our jobs, go golfing, or let our children walk to school, and we do not have to carry a gun or sit at a window with a rifle or worry about a landmine being planted on the roads. I worry that Americans will let these precious freedoms slip away.

I worry about Obama’s own admission that he would consider himself a Muslem if pressed on the issue. I worry about Obama’s friendship with a wannabe terrorist or a preacher who is more racist than a Neo-Nazi. How does Obama view the extermination of 2.5 million Africans by their Muslem rulers over an alleged territorial dispute over oil fields? But regrettably, we will never know, as the newscasters for the presidential debates selected the least controversial questions.

This will prove to be the first election where New Hampshire did not correctly predict the winner which will upset many politcal pundits.

My prediction for the election is that Obama will win 62% – 63% of the popular vote. He will get his support primarily from blacks, liberal and conservative whites, college students, and all other groups which traditionally vote Democratic. If Obama wins Florida, then he will win the election for sure, and you can go to bed and not stay up late on Tuesday to watch election coverage on TV. This is because Floridian politics are a constant three-way struggle between the uneducated Cuban/Latino population, the whites in the middle, and the retired Jewish egalitarians.

McCain will get the votes from senior citizens, frustrated conservatives who are not voting for McCain, but rather are casting a vote against Obama. McCain will get votes from all right wing religious groups who have not yet figured out McCain is more liberal than many Democrats. Plus, McCain will get support from the Hispanic/Latino crowd which historically does not trust blacks, along with large pockets of votes from Born Again Christians and Southerners.

Skeptically yours,
Mim

Dating Websites Invaded by Scammers from Nigeria and Ghana

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Dating websites have been invaded by scammers from Nigeria and Ghana. While eHarmony and other dating website services are bulging with new paying subscribers, what they are not telling you is the subscriptions are pouring in from western Africa. These Africans from Nigeria and Ghana are pretending to be Americans and Canadians and they have discovered the quickest way into someone’s wallet – is through the reputable dating websites.

WHOSE PICTURE IS THAT?

The photographs posted by the Africans are not their own, but rather pictures of Caucasian women and men which they have taken from the internet. Sometimes the scammers get confused and mix-up the pictures they upload to eHarmony and Yahoo Messenger. Or their profile lists one name, and they introduce themselves in an IM under an entirely different name. They tend to butcher English names leaving out some of the letters. Their online profiles have similar characteristics and their e-mails flow with flowery prose that would melt the hardest of hearts.

I know because one of them melted my tough heart after having sent me many beautiful thoughtful e-mails every morning. Then when he said his favorite writer was Shakespeare, I was thrilled. So I instantly wrote him back with one of my favorite and very famous Shakespearean quotations, and he asked what was that? I explained it was a very famous quotation from “Romeo and Juliet.” To myself I wondered, how could he not have recognized those lines if he were a fan of Shakespeare? At the time, it did not add up.

But I still wanted to believe he was real even though he had not recognized the famous lines from Shakespeare because he sent me a beautiful note about how he woke up in the morning with a smile on his face knowing he would be talking to me that day. I knew we had never spoken on the phone, but ignored that detail. I later found the exact e-mail he had sent me from an internet website filled with love quotations.

In fact, I found a copy of his entire message on the internet along with explanations for where to insert the woman’s name and a choice of endearments for the romantic message! This was accompanied by a half dozen other such messages at that website which I instantly recognized, as he had previously sent me those same messages. So my love for this stranger went down the drain as I realized I had been fooled.

The Africans’ intent is to pretend to be in love by sending flowery prose and then eventually asking for money. They know to go for the heart strings, so they have a sorrowful story about their sick child who had to go to the hospital for some emergency, combined with a roundabout explanation for why they need money to help pay for the hospital bill.

Once the American or Canadian is hooked into sending money to pay the hospital bill, the Africans refer to this as “getting a contract.” In other words, you are their contract. Then the amount of money they request starts to increase.

Another scammer claiming to be setting up a new business as a jewelry store, informed me in a series of dire e-mails that his only son had become seriously ill over the weekend and had to be hospitalized and that there was a problem with paying the hospital bill. Although at the time I believed his son had gone to the hospital, I did not send money to pay for the boy’s hospital bill. But I did become suspicious because this was now the fifth match from eHarmony with practically the same profile and the pattern was too similar to the previous matches. I wondered what was going on?

FINANCIAL LOSS

According to my online research, the average American woman has been scammed out of $5,000 before realizing there was no hospital bill for a sick boy and the man she thought she was sending money and writing to was not necessarily a man or even available, or the right age, or Caucasian or living in America or Canada, but just a con-artist from Nigeria or Ghana who could not be prosecuted under American or international laws.

Many of these women also had their credit card numbers stolen or their identities. Some of the women eventually realized they were being used as a conduit for shipping and receiving electronic merchandise bought with stolen credit card numbers. While men may also have been victimized, there was no information on their financial losses.

COULD THIS HAPPEN TO YOU?

Before presuming this could never happen to you or your friends, it is important to realize you may find yourself suddenly single as I did after 24 years of marriage. Now I was one of the 51% of Americans that was single. That instantly made me vulnerable though I did not realize it. So I signed up for eHarmony because I thought they had attractive TV commercials and I believed all the malarkey about the alleged psychologist Neil H. Warren actually having a bonafide matching system for helping single people to find a soulmate.

PROSAIC WHISPERS OF LOVE

So where do the Africans find the lovely prose which they cleverly insert into IM’s or e-mails? The answer is they go to various websites which have sentences and entire paragraphs of lovely things to write to a woman or man in perfect English. The websites encourage the readers (scammers) to copy and paste the sentences and paragraphs into their instant chats and e-mails for English speaking people. Instructions are also included to insert personalized comments as well in all the right places.

NOTIFYING EHARMONY

I’d finally had enough after eHarmony had matched me up by now with 16 men allegedly from America and Canada, having nearly identical profiles. There was only one man whose profile was written in a very literate, engaging way, and who communicated intelligently during IM’s, and who turned out to be real.

Over the course of three months, I asked each man to write to me at my Yahoo e-mail address. When I received their e-mails, I checked their e-mail headers and looked up their computer IP addresses on the internet. This information told me the originating city and country of their e-mail. With the exception of the one real man from Ohio, all 15 eHarmony matches were writing to me from Accra, Ghana and Lagos, Nigeria. I had a similar experience at another dating website where most of the individuals contacting me were from Africa but pretending to be residents of the United States.

During IM’s or e-mails, the scammers could only respond with one or two words, or would cut and paste a flowery paragraph into the conversation, even though it had no connection to the discussion. I wrote to eHarmony at various times with complaints about these African scammers, attempting to alert eHarmony to this invasion of subscriber-scammers. I mistakenly believed eHarmony would want to know about this invasion of their website by scammers, but eHarmony responded back by saying I either had to go online and file a complaint, which I had already done several times, or the mailbox I wrote back to when they e-mailed me was no longer in service.

ILLITERATE SCAMMERS

Since the scammers know very little English, they prefer to copy and paste messages into their IM’s and e-mails. This is why they were unable to answer my basic English questions, such as what is the nearest big city, or what kind of work do you do, etc. Each time I asked a question, they would type in “BRB” (be right back) and then return with a short response that contained absolutely no information. If I asked them where they worked, they would type “company” or “office.” If I asked what type of work, they would write “office” or “paperwork.” Their responses provided no information. One of the scammers during an IM wanted to impress me with his new American neighbors, so I asked for their last name, and he wrote back “Crook”!

Some of the scammers described themselves as having grown up in Southern Africa or France or England and said they had just moved to the United States or Canada. The scammers were totally unfamiliar with the geography of the United States. So when I asked them the name of the nearest big U.S. or Canadian city they claimed to live in or near, they would respond they did not know because they just moved there.

One scammer bragged in an IM that he had just landed a big contract to build a Wal-Mart store in Nigeria and he was in charge of the project which he said would mean a lot of traveling. So I asked him what city? He typed back he did not know. I asked why he did not know, and he typed back they had not told him where. Lies, Lies and more lies.

Likewise, the scammers were unfamiliar with major highways running through the big cities they claimed to live in or near. When pressed to give me the name of the big highway near his home during an IM, one scammer wrote back he drove the “Adopt a Highway” to work!

A SCAMMER’S PROFILE

The scammer’s online dating profile will have so many misspelled and chopped up phrases it will make your head spin. Their grasp of English is poor at best, and they rely on cut and pasted text from the internet to sound romantic and be persuasive.

The scammer’s occupation will be one of these below. Although you may try to engage them in discussion about their jobs, you will find they are unable to answer your simplest questions with straight answers. Here are some of the typical jobs they list for themselves in their online profiles which are often misspelled or typed using British spellings:

* bussiness owner
* contractor or build bridges,roads
* civil engineer
* computer analyst
* crude oil gas import export
* proffesional jewellery designer
* real estate developer
* self employ

Most scammers claim to have a wife that died leaving them alone to raise a child, usually a son, or that their wife ran off with a man who got her pregnant and they went to live in another country.

There is no browsing at eHarmony to find a soulmate. All subscribers, whether free or paid, are hidden from you unless eHarmony matches you up with someone. Then you can read the profile. You can initiate contact and answer pre-supplied questions and answers if you are a paid subscriber.

eHarmony gives subscribers a chance to answer an essay question about what subject they are most passionate about in life. Here are actual examples of what different scammers wrote in their eHarmony essays:

* my son he’s all i have for now.
* I am most passionate about my life,raising my job and raising my son to his level is in life since my late-wife died…
* My daughter,She the most wonderful thing ever happened to me.
* good
* I am most passionate abut my life and been able to raise my son to his level in life since late-wife died…
* i am most pasionate about my family,my life and my son.always want the best for my family.

Since scammers are writing from parts of the world under British influence, they use the word “Mum” for the American version of “Mom.” Here are the things the scammers are most thankful for at eHarmony:

* having my first kid
* winning my first contract
* my mum

* Faith with God
* My Son
* My Life

* My Son
* My Job
* My Life and Partner

* companion
* truthfull
* love

* God
* Love
* Life

* God
* son
* life

* when she care about.
* to make me feel happy.
* honest with me

* My Life
* My Son
* My Job

* my family
* my son
* my life

* I thanks God for keeping me alive
* IThanks god for making me Knowing him and served Him
* Thank God for my only Son

Here is how the scammers say they like to spend their leisure time at eHarmony in their own words:

* traveling,take a long walk with my partner,swimming.
* mallshopping
* swimming,reading,movie
* I like playing video games with my son to keep him entertaining,i like gyming to keep fit and like reading…
* swimming,.birds watching,…garden,…play games with my partner,…and go out with my family.

The scammers typically have no favorite books or movies to list because they have not read any books or seen any movies, though they are mildly familiar with Angelina Jolie or Brad Pitt who have traveled to Africa. One scammer in trying to make IM conversation, mentioned his favorite book was “Treasure Island” and asked if I’d ever heard of it!

Here are examples of what scammers write in response to eHarmony’s essay question about the most influential person in their life:

* My Late Grandmother,she was so caring and raised me when i was young.i am very grateful to her.she really taught me how to pray and get closer to God.i really did everything with her,going to church,movies,golfing and hiking on the mountains of Sweden.
* Man of God
* MY PARENTS HAVE MAKING ME WHO I’M TODAY,….AND I SO MUCH CRIED WHEN I KNOW THEY LEAVE ME WHEN THEY SUPPOSE TO BE ALIVE

Scammers usually claim to be seeking a “partner” instead of specifying man or woman. This is because they do a lot of cutting and pasting of text as they write to both men and women, and using the word “partner” keeps it generic. Here are actual examples of what scammers supplied as additional information about themselves at eHarmony:

* At this time of my life,i great woman is welcome,i want a woman who will bring back the happiness i have lost for a long while.
* traveling,take a long walk with my partner,swimming.
* going out,playing games,cleaning
* I like playing video games with my son,I like biking and i like watching movies and like gardening…
* i love to read,have time with my family and then have personal timee with my partner.

Scammers prefer communicating outside of the eHarmony or other dating website’s communication area, and will insist you go immediately into a Yahoo Messenger or AIM chat area with them. Their e-mail or IM names typically reflect a romantic phrase, use words of love or contain plenty of X’s and O’s representing hugs and kisses. This is their attempt to soften you up.

It is unfortunate that dating websites are willing to accept paid subscribers from African countries where online services such as PayPal will refuse to do business with those countries due to the high volume of credit card theft and fraud.

eHarmony and the other online dating websites need to block subscriptions coming from Nigeria and Ghana. The bottom line is that fraud is fraud. eHarmony is engaging in fraud by allowing subscribers to believe they are being matched up with real people in their own cities or countries, when in fact, they are not.

Consider my own experience with eHarmony. I was a free subscriber for 6 months which meant I was unable to communicate with anyone, and that I could only read the profiles of the eHarmony matches selected for me. This was a total waste of time. Then I became a paid eHarmony subscriber for 6 months. But I did not realize my matches were not from the United States or Canada until halfway through my prepaid subscription period when I began communicating with them. This means 94% of my matches were with thieves from Nigeria and Ghana! eHarmony – you owe me a refund! 

Skeptically yours,
       Mim

A Tribute to Partners Terri and Bobbi

Relationships

I met Terri who was wearing a volunteer tag and assisting mobility impaired participants at a conference.  Six of us met at a restaurant while waiting for separate tables, and ended up agreeing to sit at one large table in order to be seated sooner. Terri explained she enjoyed serving as a volunteer in order to be able to attend parts of it for free.

Terri was quite a tomboy with her buttoned down shirt tucked into pants held up with a big black belt. She had a flop of straight brown hair that flipped back and forth over her eye glasses, and a bright, quick laugh reminiscent of the ungendered character named “Pat“ from Saturday Night Live.

But Terri soon proved to be a much more introspective person than her casual male attire hinted at. Terri explained how she had not seen her family since she left home twenty years ago at the age of 18 because, “she was different and her parents didn’t accept it.” She said, “I always knew I was different” but explained there had been no exchange of phone calls, cards, or letters with family since leaving.

Terri wore a wedding band and explained the special person in her life was named Bobbi, who sometimes used a wheelchair due to her having diabetic neuropathy. Terri and Bobbi had been together since Terri came to California over twenty years ago. Terri proudly explained she took care of Bobbi and the pride in her face showed she thrived on being needed and wanted.  

When I inquired about Terri’s job, she proudly explained, “I protect my synagogue.” She had begun working security part-time at the synagogue and had worked her way into a fulltime position. Terri proudly added that with her fulltime position, she was able to take care of herself and Bobbi.

Terri explained her conversion to Judaism which was in process, was due to Bobbi, who had fought constantly with her mother while growing up, but in the end, had left home and announced to her family she was claiming her father’s religion and was going to be Jewish from that day forward. Terri decided that she wanted to be the same religion as Bobbi.

Both women were then faced with which synagogue to join. Terri explained, “Out of the five local synagogues, we chose the one where the Rabbi had a partner. We felt it was our best chance to be accepted.” Throughout our entire conversation, no one ever used the words “gay,” “lesbian,” or “homosexual,” yet our communication was clear. 

I learned something important from Terri that evening during dinner. I realized the words “gay,” “lesbian,” and “homosexual” had taken on a negativity not reflected in Terri’s spirit. It made me wonder if the usage of these negative words was intentionally injected by the heterosexual writers for the news media?

Terri now has a mission in her life and a purpose. She is caring for Bobbi, protecting her synagogue, and making a personal decision to change her religion.  Terri is contributing to the betterment of herself and her community. Mazel Tov!

How to Stop Feeling Like a Loser

Self-Improvement

You are what you feel

You probably grew up hearing, “You are what you eat.” But did you know you are also what you feel?

It is true. When you feel lousy, you act lousy and you are a lousy person to be around. No one likes to feel lousy and no one wants to be around you when you are acting lousy. But when you feel good about yourself or something you have accomplished, then you glow, your personality glows, you feel good about yourself, and you are a good person to be around.

So why does your attitude towards yourself automatically change whenever someone at work, or a stranger in a store, or family or friend says something negative or hurtful? Why do you allow their ornery disposition to ruin your day and your good mood? The answer is – you shouldn’t.

But this is easier said than done. Your positive attitude toward yourself should not become negative because others around you are having a bad day and taking their frustrations out on you. You were not intended to be a mirror image of their bad luck day.

So what can you do to change this? You can start by feeling good about yourself. You do this by reminding yourself that only you can make yourself  feel good. Similarly, only you can make yourself feel depressed. While other people can say unkind or thoughtless remarks, it is how you choose to react to their comments that determines how you will feel about yourself afterward.

Only you can change you. A good example of this happened to Debbie my secretary. Debbie used to absorb everyone’s negative remarks and unhappiness like a sponge. If she came in to work bouncing and happy, she could be in tears at her desk a few minutes later if someone said something upsetting. 

Debbie was always fretting over what other employees were saying. One co-worker in particular was always upsetting Debbie. After the anticipated unpleasant daily encounters with Sandy, Debbie would end up with tears in her eyes, feeling angry and hurt by Sandy’s flippant remarks which Debbie took very personally.

While Sandy thought everyone was enjoying her zany wit, Debbie internalized Sandy’s remarks as something bad which typically would ruin the rest of the work day for her. Debbie rode this unpleasant emotional roller coaster month after month. 

After one of Debbie’s tearful outbursts about how upset she was with Sandy, I gently pointed out to Debbie that she could not change Sandy’s behavior and there was no sense in wishing Sandy would change. Instead, I suggested that Debbie change how she responded to Sandy.

I explained to Debbie that she could not change Sandy’s behavior, and the only behavior Debbie could change was her own. This included how Debbie chose to react to Sandy’s comments. Debbie could either continue absorbing each of Sandy’s comments as if it were a shock wave, or she could learn to ignore it. Time passed and Debbie’s attitude improved, though I would never have predicted what would happen next.

Several months later, Debbie and Sandy went out for lunch together at work. I was shocked even more when they went out together for lunch a second and a third time and then continued going out for lunch periodically. Then they started shopping together after work or on weekends.

Several years later, Debbie took a new job across town. I was very happy for Debbie’s promotion. On her last day of work, Debbie left me a farewell greeting card which said, “I learned a lot from you at my job. I learned that I can’t change other people but that I can only change myself.”

My Misadventures into Online Dating

Dating

Where the uninitiated dater soon learns how quickly the unexpected becomes expected

After being married for 24 years and single again, I found myself venturing into the world of online dating. After all, the ads on TV for finding that wonderful new man seemed so reassuring. I knew I would not fall into any traps normally experienced by pubescent teen girls suffering from anorexia or low self-esteem, who readily agreed to meet strange men at malls or motels and leave home with these Jack the Ripper types.

I decided to enroll myself in various online dating websites just to see what would happen. Initially, I found not much happens. There are chat rooms where status seekers are stroking each other’s brains trying to one-up each other with their wit and cleverness ta ta.

Then there are the bulletin boards where people post messages for help on topics such as asking where to go to meet the opposite sex, or wanting to know if there is anything wrong with the way their online profile or pictures appear. 

The online dating sites let you specify if you are a woman seeking a man or a woman and vice versa. There are no moral blocks preventing anyone from fantasizing about any sexual persuasion, but the main thrust is for people to contact each other directly using online tools.

However, not everyone is assertive in contacting a potential mate, so there are aids for the contact-impaired, such as hot lists, flirts, e-cards, double clicks or hearts that you can send the person of interest. Some of the teasers are anonymous, so if the person does not reply back, then they never knew it came from you.

But of course, the bulk of participants at the online dating websites are free members, which means they never receive your online teaser beckoning them for a response, leaving you feeling totally undesirable.  There are also the members who refuse to upload a picture of themselves, which they claim is for privacy from their clients, or who knows, maybe to hide from their wives.

The most frequent complaint on all the dating websites is the use of outdated pictures. Many pictures being uploaded are 10 to 20 years old. Men who refuse to post pictures are best to ignore. On several occasions, I asked these men for their pictures and nearly fell out of the chair from shock when their pictures arrived by e-mail as these men were truly unattractive.

 My first online date was with a man who said he had been divorced for 14 years and a member of online dating for 12 years. This surprised me as I had not known online dating had been around that long. We met at Panera Bread for coffee after dinner, but he did not like coffee and explained why. Then he proceeded to grill me with questions like, had I considered what it would be like to have sex with a different man other than my husband?

Perhaps I did not appear as responsive to questions about sex as my coffee date had hoped, but as we were leaving, I turned to ask him if he wanted to get together again, but he was already sprinting across the parking lot to his car.  

My second online date was at a restaurant where I had agreed to meet a different man for drinks and an appetizer. He said he was excited to meet a compatible woman like myself without having to drive long distance. He explained he had never been married, but a tryst a dozen years earlier had produced a child. After an hour’s conversation, he suddenly realized he knew my ex-husband and described several unpleasant encounters with him.

He said he had not been this uncomfortable since a transvestite had propositioned him. I was uneasy with the comparison to a transvestite, and realized our date was dissolving faster than I could finish my drink. He asked that we leave and never speak of this meeting again.  

My third online date was with a doctor who wore his sorrow on his face. He and his ex-wife were never able to have children and he tried to fill the weekends with occasional visits to a night club featuring line dancing. But he found it a very lonely experience and wanted to do nothing more than move back to New York to live and work near his parents. 

Although I sent out e-cards and e-mails and asked the various online men if we could have an instant chat, most of them did not respond. Later I realized it was because they were not paying members. But oftentimes, the paid members would ignore me as well. Without exception, the men who professed to be writers, editors, or journalists in their profiles, never wrote me back, and the men who wrote the short profiles were more likely to write back and want to open communication.  

The ones who responded wanted to talk on the phone, so sometimes we did. One man from Florida had figured out in our only conversation that we could stay at his house in the winter and live in my house during the summer. He asked questions about square footage and the value of my home and as I began to feel he was really a creepy character, the phone battery went dead and mercifully ended our phone call.

Most of the men who hot listed me or sent me flirts were in their 20’s or 70’s. It seemed the men inbetween were not inclined to utilize flirts as a means of contact. I asked my girlfriend why this was so. She explained, “The flirts represent men at both ends of life . . . the young ones for what they want and the old ones for what they can’t have.”

I even received an online flirt card from a woman. At first I thought she must have made a mistake, since if I had made such a mistake, I would have retracted it or sent an apology. But out of curiosity, I read her profile. Although she listed herself as looking for a man, she had never been married and worked as a doctor in youth camp programs. She looked like a really cute tomboy with a too short haircut. I decided the flirt was probably genuine though I did not respond.

Then I met Rob online in an instant message. He had initiated contact and was really interested in knowing everything about me.  Rob from Seattle  Rob knew all the right things to say and do. We had a four hour instant message that night, where he was polite and told me about his parents in Rochester, New York. He explained he had just moved to Seattle and was living in a hotel.

Rob was the first man at a dating website that I had spoken with who had a web-cam, so he would ask me questions and I would type my answers back to him.  He was reclining on what first seemed like a sofa, then I realized he was in bed typing on a laptop.

Rob was covered with a sheet which seemed to unobtrusively slide lower as the night progressed, though he never commented on it. Finally, I logged off to go to bed, but Rob had signaled me for one more instant message. But this time, the sheet was gone as were his clothes. Rob’s heavy panting came through my computer speakers as the web-cam was now pointed directly at his groin, where he was rapidly relieving himself. 

The next week, Rob sent many apologies for the sheet accident which I ignored, as it never should have happened. But venturing into online dating is like hunting for a man in a big city. There are good areas to look in and bad areas to stay out of, but online dating can lead you more quickly into unsuspecting troublespots than you can ever imagine.

Skeptically yours,
          Mim

Tragic Murder of NFL's Sean Taylor

Sports

Black Spokesmen Still Silent on Senseless Slaying of Superhero Sean Taylor 

Washington Redskins NFL player Sean Taylor died needlessly on Tuesday, November 27, 2007 from a fatal gunshot wound to his thigh. The Pro Bowl safety was just 24. The bullet ripped through a critical artery causing a tremendous loss of blood.  Sean Taylor  Taylor and his girlfriend were in bed in their Miami home when the 4 intruders thought they were buglarizing Taylor’s home while he was away. But the burglers were not strangers. One of the burglers had previously done some lawncare work for Taylor and there was an indication one or two of the others were at least familiar with Taylor or his property.

The murder of Sean Taylor is intolerable. The four males suspected of killing Taylor were all minorities under the age of 21. Doesn’t anyone realize this stupid act of murder by minorities against one of their own minority superheros, is actually fostering more hatred against blacks and Mexicans in America? The average American reads about murderous attacks like this and they immediately want blacks shipped back to Africa and Mexicans drowned in the Rio Grande River.

Assaults and murders committed by minorites against their own people, especially American sports’ heroes, only fuels the belief of middle Americans that minorities and illegals are all thugs and thieves who should be dead or in prison.

Here are photos from the Miami Dade Police Department of the four minority males allegedly involved in the assault on Taylor. The youngest male to be charged was only 17 and may get a lighter punishment due to his juvenille status.

4 Minority Males Involved in Taylor's Murder

So where are the outcries of this horrible crime from black spokesmen Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson these days? Suddenly these minority icons are the invisible men when it comes to not having any public commentary against the murderers of Sean Taylor. None of the popular black spokes persons have stepped forward and denounced the vicious act by 4 minority thugs.  Would Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson have been on the news denouncing this horrible act of murder if the slayers had been white people? You better believe it! Are Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson practicing reverse racism by their silence? 

Skeptically yours,
          Mim

Tragic Murder of NFL’s Sean Taylor

Sports

Black Spokesmen Still Silent on Senseless Slaying of Superhero Sean Taylor 

Washington Redskins NFL player Sean Taylor died needlessly on Tuesday, November 27, 2007 from a fatal gunshot wound to his thigh. The Pro Bowl safety was just 24. The bullet ripped through a critical artery causing a tremendous loss of blood.  Sean Taylor  Taylor and his girlfriend were in bed in their Miami home when the 4 intruders thought they were buglarizing Taylor’s home while he was away. But the burglers were not strangers. One of the burglers had previously done some lawncare work for Taylor and there was an indication one or two of the others were at least familiar with Taylor or his property.

The murder of Sean Taylor is intolerable. The four males suspected of killing Taylor were all minorities under the age of 21. Doesn’t anyone realize this stupid act of murder by minorities against one of their own minority superheros, is actually fostering more hatred against blacks and Mexicans in America? The average American reads about murderous attacks like this and they immediately want blacks shipped back to Africa and Mexicans drowned in the Rio Grande River.

Assaults and murders committed by minorites against their own people, especially American sports’ heroes, only fuels the belief of middle Americans that minorities and illegals are all thugs and thieves who should be dead or in prison.

Here are photos from the Miami Dade Police Department of the four minority males allegedly involved in the assault on Taylor. The youngest male to be charged was only 17 and may get a lighter punishment due to his juvenille status.

4 Minority Males Involved in Taylor's Murder

So where are the outcries of this horrible crime from black spokesmen Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson these days? Suddenly these minority icons are the invisible men when it comes to not having any public commentary against the murderers of Sean Taylor. None of the popular black spokes persons have stepped forward and denounced the vicious act by 4 minority thugs.  Would Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson have been on the news denouncing this horrible act of murder if the slayers had been white people? You better believe it! Are Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson practicing reverse racism by their silence? 

Skeptically yours,
          Mim

Don't Believe Politicians

News-Politicians-War

My cousin Ed sent me the following e-mail about politicians: 

An Iraqi legislator said authorities found telephone numbers of senior officials in Al-Zarqawi’s cell phone after his  death. Waiel Abdul-Latif, a member of former Prime Minister Ayad Allawi’s party, did not give names of the  officials. But he said they included ministry employees and members of parliament

I try to operate under the Don’t believe everything you read or hear theory and to see the word former in the statement above makes me wonder about his possible motives for saying that.

On the other hand, I do believe something very fishy is going on with our government. This is off topic but then again maybe not but I wonder what the Religous Right’s stand is on gun control. They have gained a tremendous amount of power and I can forsee a clash between the NRA and the RR.

We’ve gotten ourselves into a terrible situation over there in Iraq and took our eye off the real problems being Iran and North Korea. Personally I think these things should be handled regionally i.e. by China, Russia, and Japan.

We’ve been losing about a soldier a day in Afganistan here at Fort Drum (10th Mountain Division) in my neck of the woods. They are doing a lot of mountain work trying to get Osama and it would appear we should not have turned our eye on Iraq before finishing our mission in Afganistan.

It’s a real mess and I don’t believe for a minute that an established government in those countries is going to stop it. It’s a pipe dream on the part of our administration to think so and to tell the American people that. These people are hell bent on draining our money, killing our soldiers, and making us pay thru the nose for energy products. I believe countries that Bush calls our allies are funding the terrorists and hoping to bring about our demise in doing so.

It’s a sad, sad situation with no end in sight and all it will take is another attack in the U.S. for us to become a military state. They’ll tell us it’s only temporary and that it is for our protection but it will be the beginning of the end of the U.S.of A. as we know it.

As far as I’m concerned our government has lost all credibilty and if you believe what they are telling you just think back to a while ago when these fools told us the insurgency was in its last gasps. They just don’t get it.

Never will and the sooner we can get them out of the power holding positions they are in the better. Personally I will be voting for every non-incumbent on the ticket this fall and in 2008. Bush and his Good vs. Evil crap needs to go. They want us to be scared (OF THEM) but I’m not. I’ve got more chances of getting killed by lightning than I do a terrorist attack.

May you be in heaven a half an hour before the devil knows you are dead.

Signed,
     Ed

Update:  This article was uploaded in 2006 when it still seemed like the politicians wanted to get out of Iraq. But later on, the focus changed somewhere along the line and being in Iraq became an accepted practice that anyone questioning was regarded as insensitive. 

Skeptically yours,
          Mim